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For Their Next Trick, Vol Nation Will Call Bulldog Nation, Reveal Secrets Of “Lost”
By Jay Busbee | December 4, 2007
Lost in the whole “the BCS screwed the Pooches” screaming from up Athens way is the fact that the real enemy has been standing right in front of Georgia all year long. Don’t know how Bulldog Nation missed them, considering they’re wearing St. Johns Baby Aspirin Orange and white.
Yes, folks, nobody screwed the Georgia Bulldogs this year harder and more frequently than the Tennessee Volunteers. (Note to aspiring young sports bloggers: when you write posts like this, you will be sorely tempted to go for the big, fat, slow-moving joke, doing some wordplay on the words “Tennessee” and “screw,” perhaps throwing in “family reunion,” “livestock,” or “moonshine jugs.” Resist temptation. Sometimes you let the easy ones pass. Or bring the delayed-draw funny…’cause you know how much Phil Fulmer loves that delayed-draw, especially on third-and-long, am I right, Vols fans?)
Let’s look at the facts. Georgia had four different chances to directly benefit from Tennessee’s actions, and the Vols did the wrong thing in all four games. Four games! That’s a one-in-sixteen chance! (Maybe. We write, we don’t, uh…math.) Herewith, the many ways Tennessee stuck it to Georgia:
1. Oct. 6: Beat Georgia 35-14. Okay, this one’s pretty much cut-and-dried. The Bulldogs got whupped, plain and simple. But then it gets ugly…all Tennessee had to do was lose one of the next two games, and Georgia would be in the SEC championship. So what happened? Exactly.
2. Nov. 17: Beat Vanderbilt after Vandy ran out to a 24-9 lead. Stupid Vandy field-goal kicker.
3. Nov. 24: Beat Kentucky in four overtimes, each one of which was another turn of the corkscrew in the cork that stoppered the whiskey of heartbreak in the heart of the Bulldogs. Or something like that.
4. Dec. 1: Lost to an eminently beatable LSU on some lame late-game play when a win probably would have put UGa in the National Championship game.
Evil little bastards, those Volunteers. We fully expect them to find a way to screw with Georgia’s chances in the Sugar Bowl. Change all the alarm clocks in the Georgia hotel? Dress as lady Cajuns and lure Knowshon Moreno and Matt Stafford out into the bayou? Pay off the Patriots to dress in Hawaii unis, since nobody knows what Hawaii looks like anyway? The mind reels.
Topics: SEC, Football, University of Georgia, Tennessee |
December 5th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
’cause you know how much Phil Fulmer loves that delayed-draw, especially on third-and-long, am I right, Vols fans
Right you are! Up top!
(quietly sobs)
December 5th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Ha, I actually know the guy in the picture. Anyway, I guess it’s better to screw Georgia than to have nothing at all after this season. As fun as it was in the SEC Championship, the season was terrible. Blowout losses to Cal, Florida, and Alabama don’t sit well through the offseason.
December 5th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Here I was, thinking this season had been kind of a disappointment… but when you put it that way, I am proud of all the Vols were able to accomplish.
December 5th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Surely I’m not the only former Tennessee student who heard of the “Big Orange Screw”? Nice to know sometimes it gets put to entire football programs at another university.
December 5th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Okay, Amy, you can’t leave us non-Vols hanging. What’s the Big Orange Screw?
December 5th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Shhh…Amy…don’t reveal our secrets.
December 5th, 2007 at 8:55 pm
Well said Jay. Stupid Vols
December 5th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
“Pay off the Patriots to dress in Hawaii unis, since nobody knows what Hawaii looks like anyway?”
Are you serious? Have you seen Hawaii play? They all look like either Troy Polamalu or Steven Jackson, in terms of hair. Except for Colt, of course…
December 6th, 2007 at 4:50 am
At least this way UGA fans have something to cry about, rather than having to accept the stomping LSU would’ve handed them in the title game by throwing bottles and making racist jokes…
Revisionist History Rules!!!
December 7th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Hey, dawgs!!! Bend over and lick the tail you’ve got tucked between your legs. You lost the SEC east……plain and simple. You are just too caught up in your freakin’ Bulldog frenzy to admit it. You’ll get another shot in Athens next year and will probably get your due payback win since your butt will still be red from the whipping you took this year. Live up to it!!! It’s the SEC…….the league that pounds each other to just get out of its own division to play for the conference championship. It’s not the “panty waist” Big Freakin Ten that plays the little cush schedules chocked full of games with the little “chicken and a check ” games. You guys just act a little too pretty……a little squeaky clean…….and like to get in a corner and whine when things don’t go just right for you.
From this Vol fan, I’d suggest you have your Dawgs hitch their jocks up a notch or two and snap the headgear on tight. You all bemoan Colt and his wild Hawiian spread offense and think you all are going to match up with them, but the wild uniformed little piss ants can play with the big boys. They’ve already proven that. Keep running your mouth. It fits the Georgia style……whine, whine, whine!!!!!!!!!!!!
December 10th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Great comments by all! Living here in the nation of whining pooches, its easy to believe the need for the bulldogs to blame their problems on the BIG ORANGE. The bottom line is, if the great national championship contenders had taken care of business and not gotten whupped 35-14, we would not be having this conversation. And yes, LSU would have thrown an unmerciful beating on the dogs.