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Your 2008 Hall of Fame Candidates In Thirty Seconds Or Less
By Jay Busbee | November 26, 2007
Welcome to Sports Gone South’s second annual Baseball Hall of Fame candidate rundown. Last year’s spectacular had the thrill of being the first class of alleged steroid users. This year doesn’t pack the same tabloid wallop, but there are still plenty of seedy, sleazy, and quite possibly made-up stories to be told. Read on, and then cast your vote…
David Justice–After 1990, never played on a team that didn’t go to the postseason. Called out Atlanta’s fans before Game 6 of the 1995 World Series, then homered for the only run of the game. What you call a spank bank, he calls “memory.” Also a friend of Sports Gone South. First-ballot, if we had a vote.
Tim Raines–Used to slide headfirst when stealing bases, allegedly so as not to break the cocaine vials in his back pocket. Our favorite baseball story ever.
Mark McGwire–Boy, after the demonic scourge of Barry Bonds ravaged baseball in 2007, dopey ol’ McGwire doesn’t seem so bad, does he?
Rich Gossage–According to his book, he developed an allergy to beer. Good lord, life can be cruel.
Jim Rice–Reason for: broke the heart of a young Bill Simmons. Reason against: Anything to bring more pain to Boston fans.
Brady Anderson–Brady’s season home run totals through the 1990s: 3, 2, 21, 13, 12, 16, 50, 18, 18, 24. Nope, nothing unusual about that at–hey, wait a minute…
Rod Beck–Dead, which is sad. Pitched at the major-league level for years while looking like he belonged on a tire mechanics’ softball team, which is awesome.
Shawon Dunston–His fans used to hold up a “Shawon-O-Meter” to track his progress. His fans were dorks.
Chuck Finley–Once allegedly got worked over by Tawny Kitaen. And not in a good way.
Travis Fryman–You know how, when you collected baseball cards, you always seemed to get doubles, triples, or quintuples of the same guy, over and over? Fryman was that guy for us. We could wallpaper our office with all our Travis Fryman dupes.
Chuck Knoblauch–Deked Lonnie Smith into failing to score the World Series-winning run in 1991. Once overthrew first base so badly he hit Keith Olbermann’s mom in the stands at Yankee Stadium.
Robb Nen–In his final career appearance, he pulled a Willis Reed but coughed up a one-run Giants lead in the eighth inning of Game 6 of the 2002 World Series. The Angels won that game and Game 7 to win the Series. Get me rewrite, stat!
Jose Rijo–Retired in 1995. Went on the 2001 Hall of Fame ballot and got one vote. Came back and pitched for Cincinnati in 2001 and 2002, re-eligibilizing him. Our guess is that he’ll end up with exactly one fewer vote this time around.
Todd Stottlemyre–After getting mocked by Ed Rendell, the mayor of Philadelphia, during the 1993 World Series–which Stottlemyre’s Blue Jays eventually won–Stottlemyre reportedly absolutely, on live TV, requested that the mayor kiss his ass. Since that wasn’t included in the traditional mayors’ pregame bet, Rendell declined.
Andre Dawson–Wanted to play in Wrigley Field so badly he showed up for Spring Training in 1985 1987 with a blank contract for the Chicago Cubs to sign. Man, the Eighties ruled.
Bert Blyleven–Minnesota fans now hold up signs reading “Circle Me, Bert,” hoping Blyleven, a Twins announcer, will “circle” them with his telestrator pen. At last, Shawon-O-Meter geeks have someone to laugh at. We hope he makes it to next year, because we’ve got plenty of other good Blyleven material.
Lee Smith–Once played for seven teams in eight seasons. Kenny Lofton thinks Lee Smith’s scared to make a change.
Jack Morris–John Smoltz ain’t gonna be waiting around for induction this long. Guess we’re seeing who won that 1991 World Series Game 7 (yes, that game again) after all, eh, Jack?
Tommy John–Little-known fact: the transplanted ligament used in the first Tommy John surgery came from Jackie Gleason. Littler-known fact: Gleason wasn’t dead when it was removed.
Dave Concepcion–Secret of the Reds’ clubhouse: Back in the early ’80s, a young Barry Larkin used to spread marbles, tacks, and cooking oil around Concepcion’s locker to get the Big Red Machine vet out of the lineup.
Alan Trammell–When Gary Sheffield received approval to wear Trammell’s number 3, he was surprised to learn that Lou Whitaker would also now be living in his attic.
Dave Parker–Probably belongs in the Hall, if Tony Perez and Gary Carter are there. Plus, got caught smoking a cigarette in the dugout, which is the second-coolest baseball story ever. Once again, ladies and gentlemen, the Eighties are baseball’s most unappreciated decade.
Don Mattingly–If Mattingly gets passed over for the Yankees manager slot AND the Hall of Fame in the same year, Donnie Baseball’s gonna be on the roof of the House That Ruth Built with a high-powered rifle.
Dale Murphy–The kitten showed his claws earlier this year when he became the first major leaguer to publicly call out Barry Bonds. Nearly dropped the f-bomb for the first time in his life.
Harold Baines–Homered to end the longest game in major league history, an eight-plus-hour, 25-inning marathon between the Brewers and Baines’ White Sox in 1984. Will receive a similar honor by closing off this post.
Feel free to add your own comments below.
Topics: Baseball |
November 26th, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Yup. Same site. Same cheap jokes. Same 44-year old waitress in the tight pants wishing she still worked at Hooters. Same passed out frat boy sleeping at the bar. Oh yeah, and same vomit smell. Man, did I miss this place.
November 27th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Im not sure if Jordi was being serious or sarcastic. Either way, he’s right.
Good site, broseph.
November 27th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
The 80’s did rule–much like this post. I love it!
November 27th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
There was nothing “reportedly” about Stottlemyre telling the mayor of Philly to kiss his ass… he said it during the Jays’ World Series celebration, in front of a coast-to-coast TV audience in Canada.
November 27th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
Dawson signed with the Cubs in 1987. That was the year he was MVP, despite Chicago completely sucking.
November 27th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
NS–Just a little ass-covering…had a couple bad experiences when I’ve forgotten to slather “allegedly”s and “reportedly”s all over the place. Fixed, thanks. (And I’ll skip the easy joke about just how big a coast-to-coast Canada audience could be…)
Byron–Fixed. Thanks.
Jordi & Mr. Jingle–Yep. If you close your eyes, it’s like it’s the halcyon days of the summer of 2007 all over again.
November 29th, 2007 at 10:35 am
My guy was Tim Hardaway. I used to literally have four pages with 9 cards per page filled with Tim Hardaway cards - back when NBA Hoops was the main brand.
November 29th, 2007 at 11:53 am
NBA Hoops…man, I remember that. Those were the low-end ones, before Upper Deck came in and blew everybody away. Sweet!
November 30th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Donnie Baseball belongs in the Hall of Fame