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Pop-Culture Playoffs, Round 2: The NBA Via TV
By Jay Busbee | May 8, 2007
Back for another round of Pop Culture Playoffs, in which we make our NBA picks based on completely ephemeral, off-court criteria. In our first round, we picked the NBA playoffs based on which city had inspired the best songs. And we achieved perfect symmetry — four for four in the East, zero for four in the West. (Dallas, LA, Denver, and Houston inspire songwriters more than shooting guards, apparently.)
This round, we go with TV shows. And let us just say that with Miami (Vice), Los Angeles (The Shield), and Dallas (uh…Dallas) out of the running, this here field is wide open. So let’s lead with what may be the only walkover:
NEW JERSEY VS. CLEVELAND: Battle of the fat men. Cleveland runs out the singing, dancing Drew Carey from the Drew Carey Show. Tony Soprano doesn’t even hear about this round; Christopher and Paulie won’t let Drew get away like that Russian in the Pine Barrens. JERSEY WHACKS CLEVELAND.
DETROIT VS. CHICAGO. Battle of the has-beens…Detroit offers up Home Improvement, while Chicago trots out ER. Both of them wore out their welcome before the nation had even heard of Monica Lewinsky. But in its heyday, ER sucked much less (ha!) than Home Improvement, which was always unwatchable. COULD’VE USED A LITTLE MORE POWER, DETROIT.
PHOENIX VS. SAN ANTONIO. As good as reality is, that’s how crappy this TV matchup is. San Antonio may or may not one day be the setting of some show billed as “Top Gun Docs.” Phoenix counters with…gah…Al
ice. But since San Antonio doesn’t actually have an entrant, Phoenix wins by default. KISS THE SUNS’ GRITS, SAN ANTONIO.
GOLDEN STATE VS. UTAH. Do we have to pick a winner here? Utah runs out HBO’s first true stinker series of the 21st century, the hyperpretentious Big Love. But all Oaktown can offer is — geez — Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper. Golden State stumbles to a win based on the goodwill HBO’s built up, plus fond memories of Jeanne Tripplehorn’s lips from The Firm and Chloe Sevigny’s Lewinskyesque performance in Brown Bunny. GOLDEN STATE SLINKS AWAY WITH A SHAMEFUL VICTORY.
Next round…food! Or maybe chicks. Who knows?
Topics: Basketball, Pop-Culture Playoffs |
