Got To Keep The Devil Down In The Low Post

« I’m Biff Pocoroba, Bitch | Home | The Mornhinweggies: Recognizing The Finest In Coaching Dumbassery (UPDATED!) »

Got To Keep The Devil Down In The Low Post

By Jay Busbee | December 8, 2006

This week, The Wire wraps up its fourth season. It’s the best show on television — if you disagree, get your ass on Netflix and get educated — and this year, its central storyline follows four kids through the hell of the Baltimore city school system. The Wire is a favorite show among pro athletes, and with good reason–what could be more like the life of a multimillionaire idol than that of a corner kid? Here, we’ll prove it, using this year’s crop of NBA rookies:

Namond’s a kid who gets the world — or at least his corner — handed to him, not unlike the way Adam Morrison arrived in the NBA already dubbed the new Great White Hope. Namond also cried like a bitch when things didn’t go his way, not unlike the way Morrison bawled when Gonzaga got upset by UCLA back in March. Morrison’s the class of the rookie class now, but he damn sure better not cry any more. That shit’s unseemly, man.

Randy’s a good kid who, through no fault of his own, gets his life completely screwed up by higher-level incompetents he’d trusted. Renaldo Balkman’s a solid baller who got drafted by Isiah Thomas. Hmmm…

Michael had a chance to break out of the corner life, but finally threw in his lot with Marlo, and it looks like he’ll be responsible for cleaning the ranks of old soldiers. Earlier this week, Lang Whitaker over at Slam recounted a story in which Vince Carter — the NBA’s version of Bodie, the forgotten relic of an earlier time — bitched at rookie teammate (and frequent gunner) Marcus Williams to pass the ball. This time, Williams did…and Carter missed. Crown passed. Carter wanted it one way…but it’s the other way.

Dukie was a stinky mess in dirty clothes until a teacher helped him get his shit together. Andrea Bargnani’s a seven-footer with a girl’s name. And since he’s European, he puts his seven feet to use shooting friggin’ three-pointers. Like Dukie, Bargnani’s got promise, but, like Dukie, he spends too much time standing around watching things happen.

Kenard’s a mouthy little kid who ends up getting smacked down hard when he tries to rob Namond. JJ Redick’s a mouthy little point guard who, we can only hope, will get his popped collar realigned by Ben Wallace or sat on by Eddy Curry.

So with the NBA’s current rookies playing the roles of the schoolkids, who are the higher-ups? Easy. LeBron is Marlo, the smooth, unrelenting boy king of East Baltimore. Dwyane Wade is Chris, the coldblooded assassin who’s slowly stolen Marlo’s spotlight this season. And Melo is Snoop, the all-but-unhinged killer you damn sure don’t want to see a dark playground.

As for Omar, the lone gunslinger, the man with no friends and no agenda but his own, the man who strikes fear into even the blackest of hearts? Come on, you even need to ask?

Mamba’s so Omar somebody should whistle “Farmer In The Dell” over the Staples PA every time No. 24 enters the game.

Sheeeeeeeeit.

These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.

Topics: Basketball, Best of SGS |

One Response to “Got To Keep The Devil Down In The Low Post”

Mike Zimmer Says:
January 5th, 2007 at 1:04 am
Dude, I saw this post forever ago but refuse to read it because I had yet to catch up a watch the rest of this season of The Wire. It is arguably the best show on TV in my humble opinion. And if you like the gritty storylines, you should read David Simon’s book Homicide: A year on the killing streets which was the launching point for his creative genius for all the shows he’s been apart of. But I digress.

Your post was awesome and made me laugh out loud. I am a Kobie hater (and the NBA for the most part), but your comparing him to Omar is DEAD ON! Too funny from top to bottom.